Sensory Tool House CEO Helps Avert Tragedy: A Story of a Child's Drowning and Parental Vigilance
This is a true story about drowning that ends with no loss of life, however it is a story that may be difficult for many to read. Please proceed with caution and your own mental health in mind.
I tell this story with the hope that a family will never have the fear that I saw in the parents’ eyes as I assessed whether there was a heartbeat.
It was a quick escape to sandy beaches, sunshine, and tropical breezes to celebrate our cousin’s 50th birthday. The last morning is always bittersweet when packing up to head home after snorkeling, laugher, shuffleboard on the lawn, and quiet moments in a book. My husband and I woke early and went to the beach to drink our coffee. We watched the small waves come in, couples of all ages walking, some avoiding the water others laughing and splashing in the break as it washed over the shore.
A young boy, about 6 years old, ran past us towards the water, his blonde curls bouncing. He reached the edge of the water, and his entire body expressed the joy he felt. He jumped up and down and flapped his arms with excitement. Mom stood close watching, and I commented on how sweet he was. We quickly exchanged mom pleasantries and woes.
Mom stood watching intently as her sweet boy played in the safety of the small waves. He would giggle, stim, and explore the water. Mom, I saw you. I saw the joy you had watching your boy and the beautiful pictures you took. Mom, I saw you standing on the beach enjoying the view and your shoulders dropped for a moment. I know that moment, everything was perfect. He was happy, you were warm in the sun, and vacation had started.
I don’t know your situation or your family, but I do know what it is like to support a child with a disability. There are varying degrees and hard is hard. Every hard is a different hard. Mom, I don’t know what your hard it is, but I do know the vigilance it takes, the guard you have up, and what it takes to drop your shoulders for just a moment.
It was not long until he called for Mom to join him in the water. Mom, I saw you then too. The smile that told him you are coming to swim, because you are always there for him. I saw the deep breath. I doubt many, if any, saw it. It was a deep breath knowing that moment of watching independent joy was over. That your rare time of watching his joy in your own freedom was over. They retreated to the hotel to get ready.
We enjoyed our coffee and continued to enjoy the last moments of palm tree shade before heading to the airport. A few minutes later the blonde curls went running as fast as they could down the beach towards the water tripping in the sand. He tumbled down the sandy slope in his swim trunks and bright orange circular water wings on his arms. Shaking himself off he continued quickly to reach the water’s edge.
My husband and I watched mom and son play in the water. She held his hand and pointed out fish and turtles swimming by. He wasn’t interested in the fish; he had his own game to play. Mom watched him play, right there next to him. I enjoyed watching his game. He would stand in the water at his ankles and watch it come in. He would then run up the steep beach and squat down in the sand. His small hands would sift through the sand, eyes darting until he found the exact piece of sand that he needed. After carefully placing it in his hand he would run back down and place it in the water, watching it wash away. This was repeated multiple times, and he was very detailed in the sand choice. It was amazing watching the young boy find such detail in the world and explore it with intention.
Soon Papa and older brother joined them. Papa held his younger son’s hand as his older son explored the snorkel mask. Each member of the family had heightened vigilance as the blonde curls played in the small surf. The young boy would float with the waves and his family. Brother, Mom, and Papa would point out fish. Everyone was relaxed. Traveling with a disability or a disabled child can be difficult due to so many barriers, and it was wonderful watching this family enjoy their vacation.
I looked away from the family as my son came down to the beach to ask about breakfast. We started to make plans to head to the restaurant, when I looked out on the bay. In the surf, I saw the orange floats, hands waving in the air, legs kicking, but no blonde curls. Then the waving arms and kicking legs stopped as quickly as they started.
Papa was running through the water to get to his boy. I was running down to the water’s edge. Papa carried his unconscious, limp, curly blonde boy out of the water. As we got him to the ground so I could start CPR, we watched him turn blue.
I will not continue with the details of the next minute as I worked to bring the gift to the world I was watching a few minutes ago, back. It is incredible how much can happen in a minute. I eventually got the heartbeat, he started to breathe on his own, eventually he opened his eyes and cried. Papa and Mom said he had a disability between their tears. I assured them that they did good and at no moment did they do wrong. I doubt they heard me enough in that moment to ease some of the blame they will forever carry with them. From the corner of my eye, I saw paramedics running towards us. I stood up and waved to them, gave them the details and walked away.
The eyes. So many eyes watching. I had no idea so many were watching. I was stopped by some saying thank you or wanting to talk about it as I held back my tears. I smiled and then I heard it. “It is so good you were there. The parents were not watching him.”
Mom and Papa, I saw you. You were watching him. You were watching him so closely. You turned away to give a moment to your 8-year-old son who was pointing out some fish he saw. Mom and Papa, you get to do that. They both deserve to be heard. Your eyes were not off those blonde curls for more than 20 seconds. He lost his footing in the wave and fell backwards. It was not a big wave. The water was not over his knees. He had floaties on. He was just standing there a few seconds ago.
This family was from another country, and likely will never hear me tell them that I see them and the care they give both of their sons. We hold on to so much trauma, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy as a parent of a child with a disability because it does take another level of vigilance, advocacy, and protection. There are many moments, for us all, that can turn quickly regardless of our vigilance and protection.
There are three things that I wish to come from this near tragedy.
- DO NOT USE WATER WINGS OR ARM FLOATS. USE A LIFE JACKET REGARDLESS OF ABILITY!
Arm floats are dangerous for all. Because he was on his back, his center of gravity was off. He was unable to put his legs down and his head was held back under the water as the waves came in. He did not have the core strength to bring his body up in the water in that position. It would be hard for most. The floats put his body in a position that kept his head underwater. I do not blame this family for using the arm floats, we only know what we know. They were given a false sense of safety. Puddle jumpers are a class III PDF and also wrap the torso. Many of these are Coast Guard approved for play but may not keep your child upright should they become unconscious. Read labels.
More information on water safety from the Red Cross.
- STOP SAYING “THE PARENTS WEREN’T WATCHING”. Just because the parents were not looking the moment you looked, does not mean they are not vigilant and almost always watching. I have seen parents who truly don’t watch, and this was not that. If you witness a tragic event with a child, remember, you do not know the story. Parents must look away at times. We have other children to care for, meals to prepare, messes to clean, the bathroom to use, and we can look at the fish for a moment too. Mom and Papa did nothing wrong looking at their other son for a moment to experience his joy too.
- MOM AND PAPA, I HOPE YOU REMEMBER, YOU DID GOOD. I saw your tears after and I can only imagine the fear you have of walking on the beach again, especially there, where everyone is watching. I wish I was there to walk next to you.
Katie
For more information on water safety:
Swimming Safety for Kids: Understanding the Risks of Floaties (usswimschools.org)
Life Jacket Wear / Wearing your Life Jacket (uscgboating.org)
